TapForMobile

Ashleigh Banfield Was 'Nervous' About Challenging Aziz Ansari Allegations


'I'm sorry you had a bad date... but let's take a moment to reflect on what you claim was the "worst night of your life,"', Banfield said.

Michael Cunningham, a psychology professor at the University of Louisville, said the Grace/Ansari encounter reflected misunderstandings that may arise due to differences between conventional dating relationships and hook-ups.

Grace told the USA website Babe she used verbal and non-verbal cues to express her upset throughout the encounter. You don't know whether the man who calls himself a feminist on television or on his Tinder profile, who rails against mansplainers and manterrupters during dinner, will listen when you say "let's take it slow" back at his place. On his Ermenegildo Zegna tuxedo, Ansari wore the Time's Up pin in solidarity with victims of sexual assault and harassment. In a statement, Ansari did not deny any of her specific claims, but he didn't validate Grace's experience, either.

"It was true that everything did seem OK to me, so when I heard that was not the case for her, I was surprised and concerned".

But Ansari is not quite the point here. This response is problematic for a few reasons, with the primary being that Grace isn't the one facing sexual misconduct allegations, so her actions aren't the ones we should be having a deep cultural discussion about. Consent alone can not stretch to describe the "bad sex" that leaves women feeling used, violated, and crying in the Uber home. "There's room for both of these conversations to happen at the same time".

The story has all of the ingredients of one that begs controversy: sexual politics and power, and comes at a time when Hollywood and the culture is grappling with the treatment of women.


Some background: Ansari - actor, comedian and author of a guide to dating in the Internet era - met the photographer at a party. A man, albeit a famous actor, goes on a consensual date, attempts to have sex, gets shot down - but doesn't rape or force himself on her - and it becomes a news story months later?

The Babe.net article details the couple engaging in oral sex and describes Ansari's sexual advances and behaviour as "those of a horny, rough, entitled 18-year-old". I read a lot about vibes she was throwing off in her recount of the situation. Things change, often for the better. No one should have to guess what you're feeling or thinking. "But there's also nuanced aspects of consent, which are things like body language, and verbal cues". The fact that it's seen as a threatening or unmanageably high standard is puzzling. You had an unpleasant date.

"Though they may have wanted to be in solidarity with other women, the stories of dates gone wrong or women scorned have detracted from women who have been raped or seriously sexually assaulted", she said. Grey areas are a part of our sexual reality. But women face more risk when they accept a drink from a odd man, when they agree to go up to a first date's apartment; men don't have to give their date's name and address to their roommate "just in case" anything bad happens to them. She was uncomfortable "at how quickly things escalated". Keeping the lines of communication open keeps people from getting hurt.

In the aftermath, Grace felt used. If I ask someone, "Can I kiss you?" and they say, "Yes", that "yes" is only specific to that kiss.

Jill Filipovic writes for The Guardian: Reading the story about Ansari, as well as the New Yorker's viral "Cat Person" short story about a twentysomething's confusing and often unpleasant flirtation turned sexual encounter with a thirtysomething man, I was struck by how much I could relate, and how I've heard similar stories from almost every woman I know. The trauma is tragic, but the unsatisfying and sometimes unjust sex isn't that great either.

The woman's claims did not involve force or violence. We need to talk, not about individual men, but about why women's sexuality is so devalued that their pleasure or comfort isn't a non-negotiable part of sex, and why our definition of masculinity is so toxic that racking up a higher number of sexual partners is more important than being kind or respectful to the sexual partners they do have. Perhaps it's easier to hear from a fellow man on why dating is so much more unsafe for women, and how understanding that can help you make sure your next date doesn't become a bad experience.

Related Articles

  • SEC In-House Judge Controversy Heads to the Supreme Court

    SEC In-House Judge Controversy Heads to the Supreme Court

    None of the four judges was assigned to hear the judge Loya case, which is seen as politically sensitive. However, the four judges met each other later in the evening on Wednesday to discuss the issues.
    Global elite braced for year of heightened risk amid deteriorating geopolitical landscape

    Global elite braced for year of heightened risk amid deteriorating geopolitical landscape

    Of the risks that could have the biggest impact to the world, after weapons of mass destruction, the next three are environmental. The WEF reiterated that rising income inequality is one of the most important underlying trends determining global events.
    Cavusoglu: Turkey's Syria operation can not  be limited to Afrin

    Cavusoglu: Turkey's Syria operation can not be limited to Afrin

    The recent discovery of United States plans to help the militia form a 30,000-strong " border security force " alarmed Ankara. The BSF will be largely made up of SDF veterans, most of whom are Kurdish YPG fresh off their fight against ISIS.
  • Tim Tebow gets an invite to Mets' major league spring training

    Tim Tebow gets an invite to Mets' major league spring training

    During his time with the Mets' Class-A affiliate, Tebow batted.220 with three home runs, 23 RBIs, 14 doubles, and a triple. Per the Mets' official Twitter account, Tebow was one of nine players invited to Major League Baseball camp.
    UBM shares soar as Informa make further merger offer

    UBM shares soar as Informa make further merger offer

    Under the proposed combination , UBM shareholders would receive 1.083 Informa shares and 163 pence in cash for each UBM share. Founded in 1998, Informa hosts global exhibitions, conferences, training events and academic publishing.
    5 killed in Boko Haram attack in NE Nigeria

    5 killed in Boko Haram attack in NE Nigeria

    Those who return willingly must often wait weeks to return to their parents and loved ones after the military rescues them. The video shows a group of about 12 teenage girls and young women, some of them holding babies. "We live in comfort".
  • Hawai'i Sues to Stop Illegal Rollback of Net Neutrality

    Hawai'i Sues to Stop Illegal Rollback of Net Neutrality

    CRA resolutions allow Congress to overturn regulatory actions at federal agencies with a simple majority vote in both chambers. While polls show that net neutrality rules have from, (R-S.D.) wants Republicans to reject Markey's proposal.
    Danica Patrick and Aaron Rodgers are dating

    Danica Patrick and Aaron Rodgers are dating

    Eyewitnesses tell TMZ Aaron and Danica sat next to each other, but didn't show off any kind of PDA while there. I'm just a bit anxious that she might start taking some serious heat if the Packers start failing.
    Matt Le Tissier: Salah is the Premier League signing of the summer

    Matt Le Tissier: Salah is the Premier League signing of the summer

    Manchester City boss Pep Guardiola has set a Premier League record by being named manager of the month four consecutive times . Even in midweek, when City looked lackluster against Bristol City, they still managed to produce a late victor .
  • Justice Department to Retry Senator Menendez in Corruption Case

    Justice Department to Retry Senator Menendez in Corruption Case

    Prosecutors are seeking a 30-year sentence for the 63-year-old eye doctor, though Melgen is seeking leniency. Menendez also was charged with making false statements on his Senate financial disclosure forms.
    Israel's PM unveils memorial for Mumbai attack victims

    Israel's PM unveils memorial for Mumbai attack victims

    Moshe was invited to visit his former home by Indian Prime Minister Narenda Modi during the latter's visit to Israel in July. IMAGE: After arriving in Mumbai , Moshe visited Taj Hotel in Colaba, in Mumbai . "Bahut khushi (I am very happy)".
    After 8-year hiatus, Ford Ranger returns to USA  in 2019

    After 8-year hiatus, Ford Ranger returns to USA in 2019

    US sales are up 83 percent since 2014 as a new generation of midsize truck buyers seek more maneuverable, fuel-efficient pickups. During the 1990s, Ranger sales routinely totaled more than 300,000 units a year before fading in the 2000s.

Comments